Lately I've been having a difficult time with my aging mother, who has NPD, and located resources online to help me deal with my issues. NPD is not a mental illness, it is a personality disorder, and may range from mild to dominant.
Some famous people, who have done great things, may have had this disorder. Steve Jobs, along with his "reality distortion field" may be one of the more successful public examples. People with NPD rarely seek psychological counseling - why mess with perfection? Right?
Earliest part of my childhood was spent with sitters, which probably was a good thing. I developed a healthy sense of self before my mother got a hold of me. My years with "Mommie Dearest" was pretty much a nightmare, interspersed with memory loss.
I copied just a few snippets in case the website goes away, as sometimes happens on the Internet. This site is a very information rich website, if interested in more details follow the link below:
The symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder include the following:
- A grandiose sense of self-importance (may be shown as an exaggeration of abilities and talents, expectation that he or she will be seen as superior to all others).
- Is obsessed with him - or herself.
- Goals are almost always selfish and self-motivated.
- Has troubles with healthy, normal relationships.
- Becomes furious if criticized.
- Has fantasies of unbound success, power, intelligence, love, and beauty.
- Believes that he or she is unique and special, and therefore should only hang out with other special, high-status people.
- Requires extreme admiration for everything.
- Feels entitled - has unreasonable expectations of special treatment.
- Takes advantage of others to further his or her own needs.
- Has zero empathy - cannot (or will not) recognize the feelings of others.
- May be envious of others or believe that others are envious of him or her.
- Behaves arrogantly, haughtily.
How Do Narcissistic Parents Abuse Their Children?
Narcissistic Parents have many subtle - and some not-so-subtle- ways in which they abuse their children. These types of abuse include the following:
- Compulsively lying to children
- Ignores and/or overwhelms the children
- Neglects needs of the child
- Makes child feel as though he/she does not matter
- Puts parental needs far above those of the children
- Mold children to an "ideal" image
- Promotes and fosters a dependent relationship between parent and child
- Distorts the concept of "love"
- Manipulation for pleasure
- Says one thing one day, something else the next
- Untrustworthy
- Uses the child's vulnerabilities to exploit the child
- Subtly and not-subtly insults children
- Ignores personal boundaries
- Treats others as objects, not people
- Makes child feel as though he or she is insane
Do I Stay In Contact With My Narcissistic Parent?
Separating yourself from the sort of codependency that's common from Narcissistic Parents may seem daunting. Sure, they were emotionally (or physically)(or both) abusive, but your Narcissistic Parent is STILL your parent.
As an Adult Child of a Narcissistic Parent, you have two options:
1) Total Estrangement - no contact, nothing, with your Narcissistic Parent.
2) Measured Contact - contact, but limited interaction with Narcissistic Parent.
If you choose to keep measured contact with your Narcissistic Parent, be very sure to follow some strict, clear guidelines:
- Create very clear boundaries. Don't reward your parent for crossing them. Be clear, but firm. If they show up unannounced, explain nicely that you are too busy to visit with them.
- Shield your own children from their Narcissistic Grandparent. They do not need to be exposed to their toxic behaviors.
- Rather than explain that you do not want to hear their advice, echo and mirror whatever the Narcissistic Parent says. Do whatever you'd planned to do anyway.
- Go through a third party as your Narcissistic Parent ages - do not allow them to rely upon you and you alone as they need care.
- Provide information on a "need to know" basis only. Just because your Narcissistic Parent tells you everything doesn't mean you must reciprocate.
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